Only Look at Me
by Okamidemon
Summary: Whenever Sougo is with Hijikata, he begins to feel weird. His body begins to feel hot and his heart starts to beat fast. "When does this happen?" Sougo's face was bright red, "when... when I'm with Hijikata-san..." Hijikata X Sougo
1. Chapter 1

"What's wrong with you! Stop trying to kill me!" Hijikata yelled.

"Sorry… I missed…" I stared blankly at Hijikata. Hello, my name is Sougo Okita. You might think that all I want to do is kill Hijikata-san and become the vice commander… but that's wrong~

'Then why do you keep shooting your bazooka at him?' Is probably what you are saying, right? Well, that's also wrooong~ I'm _missing_ because I have my own reasons~

'It's because you love him, right? And you want to get his attention so you two can be a lovely lovely couple, right?' …t-that's obviously also not the reason… You don't believe me? You don't believe you number one favorite character? I-I'll show you! Watch me!

"You always say that you are 'missing!'" Hijikata-san pointed his sword at me angrily, "how can you miss you target when your target is over there!" Hijikata-san pointed in the direction where our target has ran off in.

"Hijikata-san…"

"What!" Hijikata-san glared at me.

"The target is going to get away…" I stared blankly at Hijikata-san, not amused.

"Whose fault would that be?" Hijikata-san pushed me out of the way and ordered the others to follow after our target, "geez… what is wrong with you?"

I stared at Hijikata-san.

"I can never understand you… it's impossible…" Hijikata took out his lighter and a cigarette, lighting it. I kept staring at Hijikata-san. Ah… I'm doing it again… I felt weird… maybe I'm sick… Hijikata-san soon noticed me, "What?"

.

I quickly looked away, "n-nothing…" My body… felt weird…

I stared at myself in the mirror. What's wrong with me…? When did this even start? Maybe I have a fever… no, a fever won't take this long to heal… But… what else would it be?

"Sougo?" Kondo-san stood at the entrance of the bathroom, "what are you doing here?" Kondo-san walked up to me, "oh? Worrying about your looks?"

"Not… exactly…" I answered, still staring at my reflection in the mirror.

"Who is it?" Kondo-san asked, ignoring my answer.

"Who?" I repeated.

"Yeah," Kondo-san smiled at me, "who do you like?"

"Who I like…" I stared at Kondo-san, "no one…"

"Oh come on, Sougo, you don't have to hide things from me!"

"But… it's true… I'm not checking my looks… and I don't like anyone…"

"Is that so? You don't seem well… Are you alright, Sougo?"

"I don't know…" I clenched my uniform in the area close to my heart, "I always just randomly feel weird." I stared back at myself, "My body gets hot and my heart starts beating faster…"

Kondo-san scratched his head, "when does this happen? _Who_ are you usually with when it happens?"

I could feel my face turn red, "when…" I felt my body heat up again, "when I'm with Hijikata-san…"

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A/N: I still do not know how to make the line breaks, even though it says on the bottom of the Doc Manager... So I put a period for the break instead. I hope you like the story and please review it! Feel free to tell me any errors i have made, or any tips you have! Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

"You love him don't you," I repeated what Kondo-san told me. I sighed, "how… would that be possible…" I walked down the hall way slowly, with Kondo-san's word still floating in my mind.

_Clink!_ I heard the noise form a vending machine. I peeked into the room with the vending machines. Hijikata-san was there, picking up the pack of cigarettes that he bought. I felt my heart start beating quickly… maybe… I'm allergic to him… I stared at him from behind the wall quietly.

"What so you want, Sougo," Hijikata lit his cigarette.

Ah, he noticed me, "still smoking, are you?" I walked out from behind the wall.

"Is there a problem?"

"It's bad for you~ If you keep smoking, you're going to die," I shrugged, smiling sadistically.

"Why would you care?" Hijikata threw down his cigarette, "isn't that what you want?" He stepped on his cigarette. He glared at me.

"W-what do you mean?" Ah… I made him angry… I didn't mean to… what should I do?

"Don't play dumb with me…" Hijikata turned his body towards me, "all you want to see is my dead body."

At that moment, I felt hurt… I felt as if an iron arrow had pierced me, straight through my heart, "t-that's wrong…"

"Hah?" Hijikata grabbed my uniform's collar, "how is that wrong?"

I couldn't speak… I was confused with myself… I stared at Hijikata. He was angry…

"Tch," Hijikata let go of me and walked away, "I really can never understand you."

I leaned on a wall and slowly slid down, "huh, why am I… crying?" I wiped away the tears and stared at the tears on my hand, "I haven't cried in a while…" I laughed softly.

"Are you ok?" Kondo-san came out from behind the wall I was hiding behind and knelt down in front of me. Did he see the whole thing? He must have been worried about me…

"I don't know… I don't know why I am even crying…" I stared at the cigarette that Hijikata was smoking, "…it hurts…"

.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Hijikata leaning over me.

"Your awake?" Hijikata asked.

"W-why are you here? I asked him, sitting up quickly.

"Konda-san told me you fainted at the vending machines… he told me to take care of you."

I looked away from Hijikata-san.

"Hey… is it because I yelled at you?"

"Why would that be it?" I laughed softly.

"I guess so… let me see."

"See wha-?" I began. Hijikata-san brought his face close to mine. Our forehead touched. My face flushed red, "Hi-Hijikata-san…"

Hijikata backed his head away, "doesn't feel like a fever," Hijikata stared at me.

My body was feeling weird again. I looked away from him.

"Your face is red…" Hijikata touched my face softly.

"I-I know that…"

"Hijikata laughed softly, "cute."

Cute? He called me cute? I felt my heart beat faster and faster, "c-cute?"

Hearing that, Hijikata quickly turned away, covering his face, "I meant t-that a lot of girls would probably think you're c-cute…" Hijikata stared at the ground, "and…"

I leaned my head to the side getting a little better view of Hijikata's face. My eyes widened. Hijikata was blushing…

"Sorry… for yelling at you like that… I didn't…"

"Hijikata-san…" I interrupted.

"W-what?" Hijikata tuned to look at me, "hmph!"

I quickly kissed him Hijikata's face was all red.

"What…that…" Hijikata stuttered.

"Hijikata-san… do you love me?" I gently pushed Hijilkata down, "ah, nevermind… you don't have to answer that…"

"Sougo… I," Hijikata began.

"Shh… you don't have to speak," I covered his mouth with my hand, "you don't have to answer… because I think I already know… so…" I sat on top of Hijikata, still covering his mouth, and began unbuttoning my shirt, "let me this time… just once…" Hijikata looked shocked and terrified… ah… is this what I really want? What am I doing…

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A/N: Any tips of this chapter or errors in it, please review or private message me! Hope you like it, and please review! ^^


	3. Chapter 3

I slowly got up, rubbing my eyes. It was morning now… I slowly remembered the other day. I stared at the empty side of my futon. He must be angry at me… I stood up and picked up my uniform that was thrown onto the ground. I guess I won't be able to talk to him for a long time… but… I guess just watching him from afar if fine too… I quickly dressed myself, "from afar…" I stoped dressing myself for a second… what am I thinking? I shook my head and finished dressing myself. I opened the doors that lead the hall.

"Ah," Hijikata stood at the door, surprised.

"Hijikata-san…" I stared at him.

"Y-you're sister is waiting in the meeting room… t-that's all…" Hijikata walked away quickly. I stared at Hijikata walking away. As expected…

Is Sister coming today? Did she tell me about how she was coming today? I walked back into my room to check my calendar. On the date of today, a red line circled around the date box. How could I forget this? I never had forgotten when she comes... that's weird. I walked out of my room, closing the wooden sliding doors behind me.

.

"Sougo," my sister, Okita Mitsuba, sat in the meeting room.

"Sister…" I walked into the room.

"I never thought you would forget when I was coming," Sister smiled happily.

"Ha ha, I never thought either…" I laughed, "Sister, why don't we go out to eat something?"

"Alright," my sister smiled at me. Ah, I had missed her… I took her hand and led her out of the room. Sister turned back and waved good-bye to everyone. Everyone waved back, except Hijikata. Hijikata leaned on the wall ignoring my sister. Sister smiled sadly, seeing Hijikata not pay attention to her. You're so mean… Hijikata-san…

.

"Sougo? Sougo?" Sister cocked her head to the side in confusion.

"What is it?" I looked up at her.

"Is something wrong? You have been blanking out a lot…"

"Oh…" I looked away, "I'm probably… sick…"

"Eh?" Sister looked worried, "then you should have told me…" Sister turned around to head back.

"It's fine…" I smiled at my sister smiling.

"No, it's not ok…"

"But… you just came back."

"That doesn't matter to me, what matters to me is your health," Sister smiled warmly at me, "so let's go back and have you rest… ok?"

I nodded silently. Sister took my hand and lead me back to the Shinsengumi. I was sent to my room to rest once Sister told them about my condition. I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. What's wrong with me? Is it because… I shook my head. I already know he hates me… I stuffed my head into my pillow, "…it's probably… just a cold…" I mumbled, slowly dozing off.

.

I opened my eyes slowly. Without getting up from bed, I glanced around the room. The door opening to the outside garden was open. I moved slightly to get a better view. Eh? I noticed two people sitting outside. Who are they? I quietly moved my body to see their faces. Ah… it's Hijikata and Sister…

Sister looked so happy, whenever Hijikata would pay attention to her, even if it was just for a bit… she seemed so happy. I stared at the two talking under the moonlight. I didn't like it… but… shouldn't I be happy, if Sister is smiling? I stared at Hijikata. Hijikata turned to look at sister and he smiled at her. His smile looked very happy and warm. My eyes widened. They looked so happy… together… they looked like… a couple… I stared at Hijikata, who had no knowledge of my watching. Shouldn't I be happy when people I care for are happy? Then why do I feel so hurt? I tightly gripped my blanket and looked away. I buried my head in my pillow, feeling my tears rolling down my face. I heard my Sister say good-night to Hijikata and walk away.

.

I did not hate it… but I did not love it. I covered my head with the blanket. Why does this have to happen to me? I wiped away my tears. I don't understand…

"Sougo?" I could hear Hijikata's voice. No… don't look at me… Hijikata pulled the blanket off of me, "Sou…"

I quickly stuffed my head into my pillow. I can't let them see… I can't let them see me like this…

"Oi… are you crying?" Hijikata asked.

He saw me? I clenched my fist and shook my head.

"Then look at me."

I shook my head again.

"Then you are crying," Hijikata assumed.

I shook my head harder, still not willing to show him my face.

"Sougo…" Hijikata spoke softly, "please look at me."

I slowly turned my head. Ah… Hijikata's face was right above mine. Tears rolled down my face. Hijikata kissed me softly. I closed my eyes, pushing more tears down my cheeks.

"Sougo," Hijikata repeated my name over and over again, "Sougo…"

Why? Why is he doing this? Doesn't he hate me? After what I did… Remembering all of what I did to him, his expression, and how he never looked me in the eye after that night, I quickly pushed Hijikata away. I don't deserve this… I don't… to be at his side…

What am I saying? Tears began running down my cheeks and dripping onto my cold hands. Hijikata sat across from me, staring, not saying a word. I covered my face with my hands. Why is this happening to me? I tried wiping away my never-ending tears, "why…"

"Sougo…" Hijikata repeated.

"Shut up!" I yelled, "why… why are you still here? Why do you still want to hold me?" I began yelling out anything I could think of. I couldn't stop… I was scared… of being a person, which he would despise and hate…

"Because I love you…"

Eh? I raised my head. Hijikata leaned forward and wiped away my tears.

"Sorry…" Hijikata apologized, "you told me not to answer that question… but, Sougo, I just had to tell you… because I finally found out… that the one I loved most… also feels the same way…"

"But…" I stared at Hijikata, "don't you love Sister?"

"Is that why you are crying?" Hijikata laughed softly, "you really are stupid…" Hijikata kissed me, "the only one I love is you…"

"H-Hijikata-san…" I stuttered. Ah, I felt so happy… I touched Hijikata's face. Is this real? Hijikata smiled warmly at me. I kissed him lightly. This really… is probably the best cold… you can ever get…

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A/N: Sorry for the very long wait... school kept me so busy... stupid teachers who decided to all give projects at the same time... Anyways, I hope you like the story, and please do give me any tips or corrections on writing! Thank you!


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